Monday, August 25, 2008

Twenty Tiny Fingers...

Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamt about being a twin, having twins, having twin siblings. I imagined myself having two beautiful girls who I could dress up alike and who would play with each other. Never once did I seriously think that twins were in the cards for me. I dismissed my thoughts as a mere fantasy that will never come true, since twins don’t run in my family, but it is always good to have a dream. While training for ballroom competitions, one of my favorite practice songs was “Twenty Tiny Fingers, Twenty Tiny Toes”, and as I was quickstepping to it, I thought with some degree of sadness that it will never be me.


I met Chris in my last semester in college. I was one of the two girls in a Computer Science class he was also in. Introduced by a mutual friend, it didn’t take him too long to ask me out. After all, girls in Computer Science are a scarcity! We started dating in February 2006, as I was waiting on replies from Computer Science graduate programs, and he was in his 3rd year. I never thought this would lead anywhere serious, but as we were forced to spend a year apart, as I pursued my dreams of becoming a Computer Science Professor, and he looked for jobs close to where I go to school, we realized we were meant for each other. We got engaged on Christmas, in 2006, and we were married in October 2007.

When we got married, Chris was only 22 and I was 23, he had just moved to a new state, was one of the first ones among his friends to get married and started a new job. He was very opposed to the idea of having kids right away, but I was obsessed with the idea! I wanted to have kids as soon as possible, as in a job I would never have as much flexibility as I have in Graduate School. He finally gave in and I went off birth control. We went on our honey moon in January 2008, and as shortly after our return we found out I was pregnant! We were delighted, but also petrified, because we thought it would take a couple of cycles off of birth control (as opposed to the first one!).

We scheduled the first appointment for 5 weeks and the first sonogram for 6. At the ultrasound everything looked good, the tiny white blob looked really good in the big black blob. Even though I was very happy that the baby looked healthy, I could help but be disappointed a tiny bit, that there was only one! Oh well, maybe next time we will get two, after all, no one has twins! At 11 weeks we had our next ultrasound. I was really scared of what I’d see, because I was terrified of having had a missed miscarriage. Well, as we were in the doctor’s office, she started doing the ultrasound, and I could see the tech’s face. At one point it became really weird, and she went back to her computer with my info. She asked me when my last ultrasound was, and after I told her, she looked even more perplexed. At this point of course I started freaking out: oh my God! What’s wrong with my baby! Then the tech goes back to the machine, looks at us and asks: “Did you know you were having twins?” My husband Chris became white as a sheet! He didn’t say anything for about half an hour! They told us that the tins were identical and that they were mono/di, which in itself brings a whole lot of complications, like twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome, etc.

It took us about 2 weeks to get over the shock that we would be proud parents to not one but two babies! Now that I am 30 weeks, we are somewhat prepared, but really, as new parents, can you ever be completely prepared to care for two babies? All of my childhood dreams came true, even though I was not expecting them to. What I didn’t realize when I was little, was how much work goes into binging up not one, but two babies! As I read the stories of all the other ladies on the Nest, I think about how amazing these women are and hope that I can be half as good as they are. This group of women has been such indispensable support throughout my pregnancy, and I am sure will remain such as we clumsily struggle with parenthood.

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