Sunday, August 24, 2008

Could have remained a DINK, thank God I didn't

I fell in love with a wonderful man and married him when I was 32. In my circle of career-focused, independent friends this was not late in the game and I wouldn't choose to live any part of my life differently. My husband is 4 years younger than me so 9 months into our marriage (in March of 2005) he was less than enthusiastic that I wanted to go off birth control but I mentioned that it could take months and not to worry - some stork wouldn't be dropping off a baby the following day. Oh how true that is for so many women.

We went about the anticipation of a "positive" like any other couples. We talked about names, discussed whether we'd want to be pregnant during a certain time of year, and started planning for the conversion of the guest room into a nursery. Over the 2.5 yrs it took us to conceive, these conversations happend less and less. It becomes too painful to speculate about these children I wasn't sure I'd ever mother.

Our infertility story is like so many others, years of planned intercourse, months of drugs, 4 failed IUIs and one successful IVF. Max and Luke arrived in May 2008 and my anxiety about how they got here has nearly vanished.
We could have remained DINKS (duel income no kids). There's something utterly liberating about vacationing in Vail with adult friends or buying that sports car for EACH of us. I would have been happy living with just my husband for the rest of my days. However, motherhood suits me. The joy I receive when one of my boys reaches for a toy for the first time or giggles his first giggle is beyond something that can be written. I can't wait until they can see the squirrel in the back yard or start mimicking daddy. I know there will be bruises from falls and cuts from ball teams but I'm ready for it all.

I never thought I'd be a stay at home mom but we're in a fortunate situation that allows me the option. And guess what? I took it! Even in this crazy economy where I'm paying $17 for a haircut instead of a $70, cutting coupons and buying generic, I wouldn't trade it for the world. By the way, this new job of mine is more demanding and takes more organizational skill than I thought I had. It's also the most rewarding :). I'm not familiar with the job of mothering one child but I'd never pass on the job of mothering twins.

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