Things were going very well in our marriage. I was promoted in my field of nursing to a supervisory position and Scott was doing well at his finance job. In February of 2005, we found out that we were pregnant. This brought mixed emotions for both of us. We were not trying, and were obviously surprised about the pregnancy. We both had talked about having kids when we were in our later 20's, not at 25. Needless to say though we started to get excited. We basically told everyone we knew about the pregnancy and started researching names online. Unfortunately, a few weeks later the pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. I personally got pretty depressed shortly after and thought I would never be able to carry a pregnancy. We both decided not to try for a baby at this point in our lives and we would revisit the idea when we were a bit older.
In January of 2006, we had another "surprise." I was pregnant again. From the second I found out I was pregnant, I thought it was going to be another miscarriage. We told no one. I spent the whole first trimester waiting to lose the baby. Low and behold, this one was for keeps. Our beautiful baby girl was born August 28th 2006, 3 weeks early due to preeclampsia. She is the light of our lives and the most beautiful & smart girl ever!
I love being a mom, but it was definitely an adjustment for us. People always say it is the hardest job you will ever have, and boy were they right. Early on, everything seemed challenging. I remember days trying to figure out how I would manage to shower that day. I went back to work 32 hours a week with my mother-in-law watching Claire. Things seemed to get easier around when she was 6 months old.
Sibling for Claire?
After much discussion, Scott and I decided to start trying for a 2nd baby. We were very anxious about how another baby was going to impact our lives. I was mostly worried about how Claire was going to react to having a sibling. I worried about if I could possibly love a new baby as much as I love her. We decided to try January 2007. Since we had never actually tried to have a baby before, it seemed kinda strange to make love with a purpose. I figured it would take us about 4 months. Apparently I was wrong because 2 weeks after we tried, I was pregnant. We were both pretty excited.
This pregnancy was very different from my last one. With Claire, my face cleared up and I never got sick. With this pregnancy, I was vomiting at least 3-4 times a day and I was breaking out like crazy. When I discussed the differences with my OB, he said it probably meant that I was having a boy. We has an ultrasound at 8 weeks which showed our little baby with a strong heartbeat.The shock of our lives...
Scott and I went in for our 18 week ultrasound excited to find out the gender. We both pretty much figured it was going to be a boy. What we weren't expecting was two boys. Never in 1,000 years would I have guessed that we were having twins. I was in shock, to the point where I swore I was on a reality TV show and someone was going to come out and say "got ya." That never happened. The majority of the ultrasound was just a blur. The ultrasound tech then measured my cervix which she told me "seemed small." The tech called my OB to let him know the results of the ultrasound. Our OB told us he wanted my in the office right away. When we got to the office, he took me in and did a cervix check. In the middle of the check, he announces that I am done working. I guess that was the point where I lost it because all I remember in crying hysterically while he is completing his internal check. Looking back, I guess that must have been quite an uncomfortable situation for my OB.
I have stopped working since I was 18 weeks pregnant. The financial burden is extremely difficult to even think about now. I never signed up for long term disability, so we basically only have 60% of my salary covered for 12 weeks.
The other stress is that my cervix has continued to get smaller. Every extra week we get with the babies cooking is a blessing. I have made it to 31 weeks so far on modified bed rest. The modified bed rest has been especially challenging since I still have my Claire bear to watch. I feel guilt that I cannot let her do all the fun things (parks, storytimes, walks) that she loves. We spend too much time watching TV, because it is all I am allowed to do. I know also that once the babies are here it is only going to get worse for her...I feel so worried about what her reaction is going to be.
Having three kids is also going to be a challenge when I go back to work. We cannot afford three kids in daycare. Scott's mother cannot handle watching three on her own, and I honestly cannot blame her. I will be working every weekend night shifts until we figure out a better solution.
I know our family is going to be complete with the arrival of the boys. I just hope that I can mentally survive long enough to enjoy it all :-)!